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Unless that cute girl is a prostitute. Boys think us ladies have it easy, because we're the ones that get pursued and we never How to meet a guy in a bar to make the first move. This is all wrong. I don't have the patience for that How to meet a guy in a bar. So, here's my top ten list of dos and don'ts for you ladies who remain convinced you can meet a nice guy in a bar you can or for the rest of you who are just in need of the hot beef injection. Don't dress like a cheap whore.
And don't dress like you've got a chastity belt underneath your khaki's. Guys like to have their cake and eat it too, so try to find a happy medium between Thai hooker and suburban librarian. If I can see your ass cheek, a portion of your nipple, or your thong underwear, then I'm willing to bet the guy you're going home with is the one in the corner with the Ed Hardy T-shirt on. And that's how Herpes get passed back and forth. Maybe you're going through a dry spell and a guy hasn't approached you in a bar in three years, but try not to wear that kind of heartache on your sleeve by panting when someone with a penis looks in your general direction.
A little uppity bitch goes a long way. If you are out with ten of your closest girlfriends, divide and conquer. Boys are pussies and nothing scares them more than large herds of women. If you all stick together, you will most likely get ignored or get hit on by overconfident guys that have a striking resemblance to Farmer Ted in Sixteen Candles. My friends used to get mad at me, because I had this tendency to wander around bars by myself.
But a girl standing by herself is like the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow for a dude. You will get approached. I said a little uppity bitch goes a long way. I know this is a hard one, but tone down the dancing skills. I get that your moves rival Alfonso Ribeirobut most guys can't dance and the ones that can already have girlfriends and are not in the bar you are hanging out at.
What are you doing out at that bar with your gorgeous best friend? You might as well wear a T-shirt that says "talk to me second. Otherwise, you may be on the losing end of Silicon Valley Bachelor's completely sexist equation. Learn to play pool. Seriously, I'm convinced girls that can work a pool cue get the pick of the litter in bars. I suck at pool, but I used to have this fantasy where I'd stride into a dive bar, hustle every hot hipster boy and take their life savings, then make out with the cutest one on the pool table after closing Brightside by the Killers.
Leave the gays at home. They always say they're the best wing peeps, but they'll just take you to one of their bars and make you dance to Lady Gaga and tell you how cute you are when you get too drunk and say things like "all the good ones are gay. If you're just looking for a hook up, pretend like you're going through a break up. This is a win-win for so many reasons. First, it makes you vulnerable which is basically the "Roofie" we like to slip in boys drinks.
Second, it makes you a hot commodity Third, it's the perfect excuse after you see the guy in the light of day and can't believe you actually hooked up with him. Stop standing around waiting for some dude to come up to you. This isbitches. Make a motherfucking move. Four out of every five times I've met a guy, I've been the one to talk to him first and that includes the dude I'm marrying.
And just because I'm so nice, I'm going to share one of my best pick up lines. I was at a bar for a friend's birthday party. She told me every guy there fit into one of the following categories: I went up to a cute boy and said "Julie tells me every guy here is either gay, has a girlfriend, or has hooked up with her before I guess I got lucky. Anyway, it was on. Til the break of dawn. And then I blew him off a couple months later.